The Worst Gift Ideas for Fishermen

Let’s face it, you will probably give someone a gift this year that they will hate. Something lame, that for some reason, you thought was totally awesome. Every fishermen has at some point received a fishing related gift that they could have done without. So to save you shame and embarrassment, here is the Fishing Fury guide to what not to buy: The Worst Gift Ideas for Fishermen!

#5 Giant Hooks

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you asked Santa for a giant hook? Well wonder no more, I’ll tell you what would happen Ralphie.
Santa Claus: How about a nice football?
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Football? Football? What’s a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out ‘football’.
Santa Claus: Okay, get him out of here.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] A football? Oh no, what was I doing? Wake up, Stupid!
Ralphie: [Ralphie is shoved down the slide, but he stops himself and climbs back up] No! No! I want an giant fishing hook!
Santa Claus: You’ll poke your eye out, kid.

#4 Fish Staplers

The web site that sells this states that a stapler is a “GREAT GIFT FOR THE FISHERMAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING.”

I beg to differ. First of all who uses staplers enough that they need their own? I got a stapler as a gift seven years ago and I can tell you exactly how many times I’ve used it. Twice. If you really need to get a stationary gift, go with a pen, at least people use pens regularly.

We all know that people who want their own stapler don’t buy one, they just steal it from work.

#3 Toilet Paper Holder Shaped as a Reel

I actually think this one is quite ingenious. It even clicks when it turns! Sadly, its is completely unnecessary, and uncalled for. Every house comes with a toilet paper holder already. I often wonder how people come up with creations like this. What could possibly convince you to combine your favorite past time with toilet paper.

This one is only ok as a gift if it is going in a cottage and even that is pushing it since it has a $24 price tag.

We have to flush this idea down the toilet.

#2 Fish Shaped Hats

This thing is astonishing, and I mean that in the worst way humanly possible. There have been several different styles of fish shaped hats, and this one has got to be the worst. Fish shaped hats are nothing new, in fact, I wanted one when I was a kid. My mom refused to buy it for me though. Clearly she knew it would have led to several beatings at the hands of my schoolmates. I would have had ended up with the nickname “Fishhead” for sure. In hindsight, that might have been a better nickname than the one I actually had.

This hat makes me wish I had a giant hook.

#1 Billy Bass

I’m not going to link to this gift because I don’t want to encourage anyone to buy it.These things peaked in popularity a while back, they were everywhere. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if every house in Minnesota has one. Whoever invented this is filthy rich, probably even more so then the guy who invented the Pet Rock. Billy Bass sold so well because he is likeable when you first meet him at the store. He sings as well as any of those American Idols, and he is a true original. The problem with Billy is when you take him home to visit the family. Within hours, his charming songs are as about as enjoyable as nails on a chalkboard. The only thing worse then Billy was his evil brother the singing catfish.

They key to getting a good gift for a fisherman is to get something that they can use to catch more fish – in the end, that is all that any fisherman really wants.